Weather around here this past weekend was quite gorgeous. Took advantage of the nice weather to use the latest gift from my better half: a new lawnmower. For some inexplicable reason, cutting the grass usually triggers a wave of introspection, more often than not, rather morbid introspection (something I do quite well).
I began to ponder what it is that drives me to wear the mantle of an angst-ridden self, tortured by self-doubt and insecurity. Part of it is, I'm sure, due to what I learned in my family of origin. I think that an even larger part comes from the perceived safety that is derived from not being vulnerable and open.
When I am really honest about it, my life is pretty damn good. I have friends who are going through hell with children who are struggling with major substance abuse problems. Thankfully, my sons have not inherited their father's proclivity for systematic derangement of the senses.
My wife has hung in through circumstances and hurt that would've caused the average woman to walk long ago. We can pay our bills and feed and clothe our family. We have a remarkable daughter who has defied the odds and continues to amaze us with new skills and abilities even though we were told by medical "experts" that she would never walk, hear, or be able to do much of anything. Yesterday she won a gold medal in the regional trials of the Special Olympics and will be going on to the state trials.
Tags: A Good Life, Special Olympics, Family